I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
