Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
