My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
