wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
