reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
