I got chris browned last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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