There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
