he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
