For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
