I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the day after is always just damage control
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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