Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
