My room smells like vodka and shame
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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