I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
