Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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