I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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