i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So vagazzling was a success
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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