last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
