I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
