he wants to bone in the snuggie
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
