I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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