I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
