why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
whose parrot is this?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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