Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
