My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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