Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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