yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
