just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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