Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
