She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
