They should really pass out barf bags in church
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i dont even know how to be here
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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