it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Soap is not a condiment
Duck Duck Cougar?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
