Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
