Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
