ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
