my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
