Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
