I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
