She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
