Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?