we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.