This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!