he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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