i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.