Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn