quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.