I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood