so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
