need another drink. this is the easiest way
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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