aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
