How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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