She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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