I have demons in me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
