i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
