apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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