you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
