This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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