Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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