Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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