just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
