life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just saw a hot homeless man
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This is classic penis vs brain.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
