Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
