Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
