I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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