I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
