this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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