She is in my trunk
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
