we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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