Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
